[+] The Tormented [+]

2007-07-15T14:56:00.000+08:00

finally im online, well im sayign this way too often but its true. PMR ish cuming and i dont care!!! why?! i dont know...my messed up life...i have nothing to write

2007-06-17T17:38:00.000+08:00

i recieved an sms yesterday and didnt realize why my tears started pouring out.

Final Word

i did love you. actually i looked for you forever. when i found you i swore to sweep you off your feet and to spend a lifetime with you.after so many months i look at my endless effort go down the drain. i gave you a chance. a little more time. you were the one that blew it. i finally decided to let you go even if it was gonna haunt me for the rest of my life. if you were gonna keep me waiting all my life i'd rather move on. thrust me on this one though. i NEVER did stop thinking bout you and loving you. i tried so hard to get you off my mind. everytime i close my eyes i see you. but even if it is so, i now come to apologize. if i ever made you feel like i cheated on you or something. im sorry. thrith is i still love you but i have to say good bye. Good Bye

if he wanted to give up so easily why did he start in the first place. if he wanted to leave why didnt he just ignore me. rather than putting me on this guilt trip. if he wanted to leave why didnt he just say its over and stop talking to me. why didnt he??!!

2007-06-15T20:27:00.000+08:00

Confessions of Me

I am...

- dead - suicidal - melancholy - empty - stupid - pathetic - sad - incomplete - loveless - heartless - a failure - hopeless - faithless - death - blood - crazy - out of my mind - brainless - imperfection - sorrowful

and you would be able to list down an even longer list than mine. so heres the long story cut short. dont expect extrodinary things from me. heck! dont even expect ordinary things from me. im not who you think i am

2007-05-21T17:56:00.000+08:00

DonatedMeHeart'z Sleepover

heh...almost forgot to post tis one.. well Darrel invited Ryan Jake and Matt. plus me lorx.. 1 girl 4 guys...weird~ and then we practically did nothing exciting. everybody so quite. especially Ryan. heh. got bored so played bb with Jake. Darrel malas layan me~ then i dunno wat happen in de house la. Jake ask me lor "eh...you and D official ade ar". i wus lyk" ....." then he continued." dont look lyk it leh...^^ jus asking~" the he shot one in. "sakaii la you.." i scold him. hahaha. kinda boring lor actually. when we went in Darrel cooked dinner...i tot he wus gonna burn de house down when he told me he was going to do that.

i have no comments on de food....got nothing to say...and boys being boys...they talk while eating. mouth full also they talk. talk talk talk. non stop la. i one persons it ther....din say anything~
then after dinner. Ryan and Darrel suddenly siao ade. lyk how we all siao at school. laugh non stop. simply tok crap. they 2 go and on the karaoke and started singing...to tell you the truth they suck. when all they are doing is shouting and laughing at the mic. i sit there and jus stare...what do u want me to do...Jake dunno lari go wher ade. sudd he hilang.

time realy flies when ur having fun. though i felt bored...i wus sitting there laughing at their sick act...then.. Ryan got up with Darrel and acted out Romeo and Juliet for me...i was..."=.=" haha...they looked so gay!!!!!!! then i din clap hand they clap hand for themselves. and they started singing " if you're happy and you know it...."

then Lee had to call me...then the stupidest thing happened...Matt and Darrel grabed my phone. turned on the loud speaker. and started screaming something even i didnt understand. i was jus laughing...haha. Matt started making funny faces at the phone and they ran away wif my phone...bye bye phone!...

i stil wondering wher Jake go...he's missing out on all de fun...^^ it was about 12 when all turned back to normal...and i was forced to sing...cuz all of them kept picking all the duet songs...purposely!!!! then i started screaming on de mic cuz i dunno how to sing and they ask me to sing. then Matt wif the mic screamed back. then we started screaming at each other. Jake finally showed up. then Matt sudd fell off the sofa. acted dead... =.= "i think i need cpr la.." Matt say laughing..." Jake! do for him..!! u in SJA rite~ faster he dying ade..." i said..." WOAH!!!!! NO NEED!!! NO NEED!!!! IM OKAY!!! IM OKAY!!!" Matt quicky got up. LOL. by the time it was 3 a.m. we were all pooped out.... guys all splet upstairs...i volunteered to sleep downstair where the air cond was so much cooler...and for other reasons.

i fell asleep imediately...i was so tired out. then someone. so smart go and wake me up. i felt someone kissing me forehead. stil blur blur. i wanted to go back to sleep. then i heard someone talking...could barely make out the words. then he started appologising. 3 guesses who??!! no need 3 guesses la 1 guess only. then after that long lecture....i heard something lyk..." anatawa nyngio watashi desu ka." then he kissed me forehead and turned off the lights again.

then iw ent back to sleep in a nick of time. i woke up the next day. uncertain whether it was a dream or wat. anyway i kept my mouth shut.

i realize. that all this could be lost with just simple words. sometimes its better this way. and yet maybe not too...i have no idea...

2007-05-15T16:37:00.000+08:00

I'll take a knife and stab u in the back
Like how u did to all the girls u date
I'll take a gun and shoot u in the head
Like how u did to the girls u hate

Tell me why
Why am i wasting all my precious time on u
on a useless jerk like you

Cuz this is for
All the girlz, all de girlz
Who had their heartz broken
All de girlz, all de girlz
Whom u made feel sober
All de girlz, all de girlz
Who wasted their own tears on u

i jus decided that i've lost all meaning to live. i've lost my reason to smile. i've lost my reason to cry. i've lost my reason to laugh. i've lost all reason to live as a human being. i've lost everything. everything i've ever had. everything i've ever owned. everything i've ever loved. all gone. hidden once more in the mist. never to be found again.

2007-05-11T20:07:00.000+08:00

god damn it today was jus so crappy!!! i really wanna murder myself after wat happened. already im being enslaved and now it just got worst.
i seriously dont know how i get myself into these messes some times. and now i cant exactly get out. to frens who i ade told you wats gonna happen today. well heres wat happened

one by one. group by group. people begin to pack up the house. after dinner they separated to teens and adults. one side each. as usualy my parents were the first to arrive. so called "excited" about it. i cant believe they finished dinner so fast. and then i was left alone wit Lee. how am i gonna put tis?! well we jus sat there with nothing to say til more people came. this shud sound good for u Matt. i was overjoyed to see u actually. ^^ . then they kinda went to grab dinner and left me alone with Lee again. i was sms-ing when Lee jus came and grab and tossed my phone aside. and i mean throw. i got up. furious. he pushed me back on de sofa. Lee was so close to my face i could feel him breath. and fucking hell i wasnt comfortable. "Dont move servant". wat was i to do?! i heard then coming back in and Lee just got closer. then i got disgusted when he licked me. T.T . i could see Matt burst in. " are we interupting something?! ", tat was suppouse to be a retorical question Matt asked. my little heart skipped a beat.

i could see Lee was angry and yet a little satisfied with him self. then the rest of the night was jus boring. then we decided to play a game. similar game we ( in tis case we is for me and my school mates ) played in wyin pings house. i was praying tis tragedy wasnt going to happen. since guys mainly out numbered the girls the guys change loads of the rules. okay so Lee got that stupid kissing card and he dengan bangganya ask me to get up. unwillingly i got up. kept my distance. then he whispered "closer". i said no. "closer. as close as we were jus now" he whispered. god please save me! i took one step closer and tats all it took. i felt terribly uncomfortable. were milimetres away from each other. Lee pushed my head up and jus kissed me lyk tat. fuck him!!! i pushed him and ran. i terribly sorry for myself. im terrified. i could hear them laughing. guessed they continued without me. i dont know how long i sat there but then the noise piped down. i didnt want to move from that spot. it felt like santuary. and it wasnt a surprise when the one that came looking for me was Lee.

i looked away. acted as if i didnt see him cuz i dont wanna see him. then my heart suddenly stopped beating. Lee held me from behind. and started to smell my hair?! okay tat was weird. his hands. from my shoulder to my waist. and then i got disgusted again. i dunno wats so nice bout my neck. after that i jus blacked out as in i didnt know wat else to think or do. Lee pushed me against the wall. god damn it that hurt a lot!!!! " hands around me" he ordered. this is not worth a secret tat big. but tis is not worth even my life. his nose touched mine. "you are my servant. you are mine.understand? " he said. i nodded reluctantly. he kissed me again...and it hurt that i could do anything. it hurt cuz i dont wan Lee kissing me. i turned away when his tongue started. and walked away. i had nothing else to say. i felt like crying. im not a whore. not a whore. Lee didnt follow me after that. i sat at the porch staring at the sky. " Hey. wanna know something?" matt asked. joining me. " yea.. wat??" faintly i said. "Lee definately is not for u"
"Yea i know.....its real stupid"
"Rough night eh..."
"You dont know the half of it"
"Maybe jus a quarter."
"Ah D wouldnt want to sad you know"
"Ya...i could have guessed tat myself"
"Neither do i."
"I guess so"
"Well Ah D has been blaming himself for tis slavery of urs"
"Figures."
"I wonder what would he do if he knew wat happened"
"Probably kill himself?!"
"I hate Lee"
"Who doesnt"
"I wanna die"
"Look.Will it help if u talked to ah D?"
"NO! he'll ask. wat am i gonna say..."
"The truth. Thats all."

he left me to think. i wished i could really turn back time. i wished none of this ever happened. i wish i never met any of these people. i wish i wasnt alive anymore.

then i heard a voice i merely remember.
"Still wanna die?"
He was squating in front of me.
"Not really".
"What are you doing here anyway?"
"Just tot u might need some cheering up."
"Oodlez of it. i tot u said u couldnt come"
"Tot would be a nice surprise but i guess not."
"I really dont know what i do to deserve this"
"You didnt do anything wrong.It was me."
"You shud cry at home. or when available. not here."
"I can do that. i think."
"^^ So wat time r u leaving for home?"
"I dont know.....i really dont....i wish i did...."
"Ok Ok....I told u I'd protect u wit my life and i will."
"............................I dont know wat to think anymore"
"I'm sorry."
"...why'd u appologise?"
"Cuz i dont wanna lose you."
"...am i suppouse to feel the same?!"
"I dont know...but please...smile?"
i looked and gave him a faint smile. he smiled back and gave me a hug.
"Never will i let u be hurt again."
and when i tot all was turning out okay it jus got bad. He waited till i left. and when i entered to car my mum started to talk. and when she talks its never good. she compliant on who de hell was that guy. and how im so close to him... blah blah blah. then she went and talk about Lee. the person i was trying to get my mind out of. my eyes were about to water with every second of her talking bout how great he is. how porper he is for me. all lies!!!!!

now im home. happy to be so. but the memory of tonight will live on forever let me assure you this. im a slave. a servant. i am....

no longer me....

2007-04-28T21:34:00.000+08:00

i wish you were here

you left out me

you left without me

and now you're somewhere out there

with the bitch slut phyco babe

i hate you

why are guys so lame

everything i gave u

i want everything back but you

2007-04-27T20:03:00.000+08:00

how is it possible that all fairy tales ALWAYS have a happy ending?! how beauty and the beast ends up in love. how snow white lands with the prince of her dreams. how cinderella after all the peril ends up with the charming prince. i wonder wats wrong with humans today. god damn it! if its never gonna happen why do you ppl fill innocent minds with fantasies like this? why cant you just put the truth as it is? black and white. unchanged. let people see how cruel this world can actually be. rather than leaving it up to them to figure it out themselves. leaving them to cry themselves out when tragedy happens. why? people try to prevent wars and sickness and all that other crap. why cant they just prevent this from happening. its just a simple task. then many be there wont be anymore "weaklings" in this world. who cry at little tiny things. who tremble at tiny fears. who scream at minor little stuff. irrelavant. and no matter how much i would actually try. the true cinderella story will never be written. published. and shown to the world. a fairy tale turned into a nightmare. with tears to ever page. with fears on every sentence. and finally the death and revival of the + DeaD CinDereLLa +

2007-04-23T15:03:00.000+08:00

i hate you. i really do. believe me from the bottom of my heart i really hate you to the core. for the things you've done to me. for the first time in my life things never did felt as clear. but it wasnt what i wanted to know or hear or read. but no matter how much hatrate i keep inside of me, i dont know why. i cant understand.

why cant i forget you?

why cant i let you go?

2007-04-23T14:53:00.000+08:00

i've never felt this way before. i seem to just hope more and more on you. and though i know it'll never happen. i still wish and dream that i would. am i suppouse to be happy for the recent things that happened?! or am i suppouse to be sorrowful about it? people tell me to forget about it. people tell me to give it up. to say suck things are so so much easier than doing the actual thing. i know that you're not worth my tears. i know that you're not worth my time anymore. but i just cant stop. i needed to laugh. i needed to feel happy again. i can barely write anything anymore. its really hard to say good bye.

2007-04-22T20:29:00.000+08:00

how is it possible tat i still waste my time on you when all its gonna do to me is break me into pieces. i dont understand why am i doing this to myself. i dont understand so many things. more importantly i dont understand whats happening to me

2007-04-21T21:09:00.000+08:00

somehow i dont think you realize this
the things i do to you
the zillions of ways i tried to show you
the patience i held in me
the sorrow i feel
the happiness you brought
i dont understand why do i have to under go this
one minute im happy
and the other im depressed
wat difference does it make if im dead rather than alive

the problem is
i found that one single person who brought life to my lifeless life
that one single person tat could turn my day around
tat single person tat could made me smile
somehow i dont think tat person realises how important tat person is to me
as said great things take time
time did indeed take its line here
brought us closer
closer than ever
or as i thought

i was once overjoyed
and that had been taken away on the same day
i still dont understand
why did tat person have to disappear from the picture
the picture we were painting together
it was like a nightmare come true
i begin to wonder
i begin to think
"what if....."
maybe it was my fault
for not saying words meant to say

days passed and i discovered more and more
of how tat person actually thought
the thing we send each other
the words we say
i cant get it out of my head
stuck there forever
i wanna ask
"if youre reading this....why did you waste time on me?"
like i did on you
i was dehydrated tat day you disappeared
my world came apart

i dont know why am i still talking about this
i dont know why i still remember this
i dont know why eventhough u hav disappeared in my world youre still in my mind
i dont know why i spent my days hoping on you
i dont know why i THRUSTED you
i dont know why.....i never said anything when i should have
it seems i threw my happiness away

now i sit in this empty spot
hoping for something extraordinary to happen
a miracle
i still cry every night
broken deep inside
more importantly
im hoping for your return
to smile again
to laugh again
to feel COMPLETE

2007-03-09T18:24:00.000+08:00

sometimes being broken is the only way to live my life. even if i try to seek happiness, darkness triumphs at last anyway. i try and i try and try...i dont understand this. why do i keep getting my heart broken like this. my scars take time to heal but my heart will never be the same again. i feel stupid. to put so much thrust into u alone. this is wher the fairy tale always ends. usually cinderella gets her prince charming and live happily ever after. end of story. no one knows thers a continuous to this tragic tale. prince charming leaves cinderella broken. bleeding alone to face the world. with no one to cry on. this is the real LIFE. there's no need for wishing or dreaming that someday your prince charming will come and sweep u away into the horizon and u two live hapily ever after. THERE"S NO SUCH THING!!! its things like this that kill me so. i mean why would u say i love u if u know u'll never mean it.

2007-02-14T17:38:00.000+08:00

To X,
Im sorry I did make you feel hurt. Im sorry if I did make you feel lost for that moment but you just wouldn’t listen to what I had to say. All you did was saw what was there and jumped to conclusions. You didn’t even let me say something. You just disappeared.

To Y,
I don’t know if you were trying to protect me or get me away from my friends that need me the most. That stunt you pulled back there wasn’t NICE. I can take care of myself and the complications you build up are for yours truly only. Don’t drag others into it.

To X,
I don’t know what you take me for. But sometimes its more complicated than it meets the eye. I still til today wonder why did you remember me so well. I don’t know what came into your mind when you saw it. Truthfully you never did want an explanation at all did you?

To Y,
Disregarding how people would feel you just think without acting. At the beginning I realized you WERE trying to protect me. But now I realize that wasn’t what was planned in your draft. You can tell me this is no good, that is no good. But I make my decisions and if they don’t go to your liking you just force it to be.

To Z,
You’re last. Cause you were the one that wanted it. and you were the one that pulled the plug. Not me. YOU. And now you come crying back to me. What’s that??!! Indirectly you were asking me to move on. But now im not even sure what you want bcuz you have no idea where your actions lead to. And when you try to repair the damage and even if you do. It’ll never be the same. I DID reserve a place for you. Too bad you blew it.

To X,
I entirely or more likely understand how you feel. To lose someone so close to you isn’t easy. Especially for you. But sometimes things aren’t always what they seem. I’m saying once more I’m sorry. If I knew Y was going to pull suck a dirty trick I wouldn’t have gone near Y at all. Seriously I’m not writing this apology just because of the guilt but also because I broke my promise. Gomenasai…

An apology letter for a someone who was hurt deeply
Just because of my careless ness

lll Ic3 Cold lll

2007-01-07T18:44:00.000+08:00

times like this when i wish i wasnt born.
things like this when i wish i wasnt here.
stuff like this when i wish i was dead.
when it begins to crumble.
i retreat and let it be.
never bothered to build it back.
even as i try to throw my worries up.
bigger burdens fall back down.
classmates, best frens, lesbians.
all apart of my life.
things change from time to time.
and those that i fear to lose the most.
are lost forever.
and those that i wished they leave.
never do for some reason.
things i wish i could be.
things i wish i could have.
things i wish i could do.
are nothing but a mere memory of my imagination.
i could drown the world with my tears if i wanted to.
people leave me forgotten.
poeple leave me broken.
people leave me ALONE.
just to find someone who would understand.
to feel the way i do.
to never harm me and keep me safe.
was just a mist til it happened.
a complication that was never avoided.
a decision that would hurt one way or the other.

2006-12-26T12:13:00.000+08:00

Curse of the golden flower nice show ler!!!!! i lurve this song... Ju HUa Tai

妳　的淚光　柔弱中帶傷
ni de lei guang rou ruan zhong dai shang
Your tears glistens with weakness admist the pain
慘白的月彎彎　勾住過往
chan bai de yue wan wan gou zhu guo wang
The ghostly white curved moon hooks onto the past
夜　太漫長　凝結成了霜
ye tai man chang ning jie cheng le shuang
The night is too long and has crystallised into frost
是誰在閣樓上　冰冷的絕望
shi shui zai ge lou shang bing leng de jue wang
Who is in the attic [filled with] cold hopelessness
雨　輕輕彈　朱紅色的窗
yu qing qing tan zhu hong se de chuang
Rain gently bounces off vermillon window
我一生在紙上　被風吹亂
wo yi sheng zai zhi shang bei feng chui luan
I have (written) my life story on paper (only to be) blown into a mess by the winds
夢　在遠方　化成一縷香 meng zai yuan fang hua cheng yi lv* xiang
The faraway dream has become really faint
隨風飄散　妳的模樣
sui feng piao shan ni de mo yang
The wind has dispersed the image of you
＊菊花殘　滿地傷　妳的笑容已泛黃
ju hua chan man di shang ni de xiao rong yi fan huang
Chrysanthemum destroyed A whole floor of pain your smile has become faintly yellow
花落人斷腸　我心事靜靜躺
hua luo ren duan chang wo xin shi jin jin tang
People are heartbroken when the flower falls My thoughts lay quietly (aside)
北風亂　夜未央　妳的影子剪不斷
bei feng luan ye wei yang ni de ying zi jian bu duan
The north wind is chaotic the night is still young your shadows can’t be cut
徒留我孤單　在湖面　成雙＊
tu liu wo gu dan zai hu mian cheng shuang
Just leaving me lonely doubled (when I stand) by the lake

花　已向晚　飄落了燦爛
hua yi xiang wan piao luo le chan lan
The flower has already come late, drifting down brillantly
凋謝的世道上　命運不堪
diao xie de shi dao shang ming yun bu kan
the wilted morals an unbearable fate
愁　莫渡江　秋心拆兩半
chou muo du jiang qiu xin chai liang ban
(If you are) sad don’t cross the river worries* broken into two
怕妳上不了岸　一輩子搖晃
pa ni shang bu liao an yi bei zi yao huang
In fear that you can’t get back on shore and will sway for a lifetime
誰　的江山　馬蹄聲狂亂
shui de jiang shan ma ti sheng guang luan
Chaotic sounds of horse hoofs (in) whose territory?
我一身的戎裝　呼嘯滄桑
wo yi shen de ru zhuang hu xiao chang sang
My armory shouts out the wear of time
天　微微亮　妳輕聲的嘆
tian wei wei liang ni qing sheng de tan
The sky is starting to light up your voice is sighing
一夜惆悵　如此委婉
yi ye chou chang ru ci wei wan
A night of disappointment is (said) in such a roundabout way

2006-12-18T20:10:00.000+08:00

lookie here. christmas is around de corner so its time to think back on whether u'd have been naughty or nice. just came back from work. haha. i had fun today. guess what??!! i can drive! i can race! LOL. it a a heck fo a fun time man. its official. i lurve street racing!!! later i'll get caught and draged to de station.

2006-12-17T19:38:00.000+08:00

well, christmas is coming and i dont think ill be getting any presents this year. what a bummer. its not like i wanted anything. im going charolling with my buds. funny. why am i even doing this. lol. lets see id like to go ice skating on christmas and mayb spend the rest of the day in front of the computer. how i wish. i've still got to work. my life sucks. well. MERRY CHRISTMAS PPL!!!

2006-12-14T21:45:00.000+08:00

long time din post ade. its not lyk i dun want to. it that there's NOTHING new in my life. just the same old suffering day after day. its either i rot at home or at work. theres no need to be happy bout the holidays cuz pmr is next year. and christmas would be dull. nothing is ever right now a days. it goes all topsy turny and all upside down. so it makes no sense for me to write everyday to just complain about the same thing over and over again. sometimes i could really get stupid. just hate myself for being me.

2006-12-06T12:02:00.000+08:00

im finaly back from US. man it was tiring plus de flight to get there was so freaking long and damn it was hard to sleep on the plane. first two days were spent in las vegas. lights and colours and the coldness in the temperature. lol. after that wus de flight to orlando. first two days were cold so dint go to theme parks. end up going to kenedy's space center. yawn. BORING!!! next day, went to disney world( magic kingdom, animal kingdom, epcot center, MGM studios). lonh lines so many ppl. after that was universal studios. so far i enjoyed this on the most. make sure to ride de revenge of the mummy coaster and the fire and ice one too. so far universal studios was fun cuz we didnt need to even line up or wait in de que. just walk in and ride over and over again. ^^ sea world was boring...except for de swimming with de dolphines. XD. watched fire works in epcot center and magic kingdom. worst comes to worst. the room we were living in was so freaking near the basket ball court >.< sigh. then was the long flight home. i have nothing much to say actually. my lips are cracked. feels so weird right now. cant wait for christmas. mayb in this era no one sends santa their christmas list anymore. they email it. lol XD

2006-11-16T13:40:00.000+08:00

i must have been crazy to do this but i did. stayed up late and as time tick to 12 midnight i blew off the candle on my own cake , sang myself a birthday song. my birthday had nothing special plans. no one did anything. besides even my mum doesnt care. im left alone at home after work on my birthday. theres somethign wrong with the picture. i wonder why i still put up with the worst of my life as it gets worst day by day. sorry you ppl who called at midnight to wish me. i left my phone upstairs to charge. thanks by the way. at least you remember. some ppl actually dont even know what date today is. wth! if they remember they'll wish me. if they dont...they dont. this year is officially the worst year of my life. the fact that well half the ppl i know forgot plus my family forgot along with them. not a single wish from any of them. WTF! IDC!! i'll be writting another entry later on this unfortunate birthday on thursday the 16th. my plan to celebrate it at least with my frens went wrong. STUPID SCHOOL!!!! just had to have the holiday on the thursday on this week!!! sigh. its not like i have a choice to change what bad luck that is thrus upon me. if i had a chance to actually change my life...believe me i would. i feel so forgotten on the only day i look forward to year after year.why is this happening to me. ive been eating buckets of ice cream since 9 am. my teeth feel cold. sigh.

2006-11-15T15:49:00.000+08:00

so i havent been such a good girl for the past few days. what the heck!? yesterday skipped taekwondo and well...just hang out here and there with hui xin and ying ying. actually the dissaster started when i didnt see my mum coming and didnt really care. id rather not go home. go play ground...yacky yak...bla bla bla...played five stones and well...din see my mum. she came all angry and in de car was a long lecture that awaited me. haih. she complains bout the usuals. my anti tb mum...tomorrow no school. cuti spm. the rest was just plain dumb. wtf! my life is memang dumb. wonder why i still put up with it day after day.

story by me, huei cwin, cecilia, sarritha, keishailla, hong hsuan and andrianna

I am an owl. I am big and fat. I eat hot dog. The dog is my dog. It has six to ten ass. I eat the ass of the dog. One day, the ass ate me. I hit it and it was in the bed. And we had sex on the bed. The bed was in a bag. The bag is in a box. The box is in the car. And the car is in the sea. The sea is in the sky. The sex was fun. We did it! And we got an egg. And as an owl i ate the egg. The ass was sad. It got mad. It ate me. THE ENDD!!!!!

2006-11-10T15:14:00.000+08:00

days get worst and worst. after two days continuously playing basket ball my whole body ached. plus the fact that i still have to work. worst comes to worst school is doing stupid activities. the rest.. i have no comment...

2006-11-08T16:59:00.000+08:00

today's the best day of my life!!!! two hobbies in one!!! wakaka. started raining. me huei cwin played basket ball in de rain!!! got all soaked!!! XD. then bowie joined. so flooded cant even dribble the ball. haha. i shot 3 point ball!!!!! lol only one la... still hapie! tomorrow play again. but grantee will be very hot cuz today rain ade. hurried to bowie's house by 3. note to ppl who have idiotic mothers like mine ur uniform which is soaked needs more than one hour to dry. even if u iron it. plus use the hair dryer to dry ur socks. plus remember to dry ur shoes. my she got all muddy.full of grass sumore. haih. happie today!!!!!!tomorrow calss party!!! wakakaka.

2006-11-07T19:48:00.000+08:00

today was just plain dumb. school put on so much rules for the class party. better not call class party. it wont even be a party. dumb school! then some teachers wan to finish sylabus so have to bring the book. haih. puhlezzz we already finish with the exams. let us play and have fun. and the rest fo my day is tiring. work and music class.

2006-11-06T21:45:00.000+08:00

back from hectic day after school and work. played articulate with huei cwin, sarritha, ramana, keishailla and hong hsuan. make so much noise. heh. 2 E speciality. MAKE NOISE!!!! then practise choral speaking. keish becum de conductor. heh. she din even memorise de script. she took my script since she lost it. and today school finish at 12. forgot to tell mum. anyways mun mun teman me until 1.30. time seems to just go so slowly. plus i never wanna se any of the three bitches ever again. they keep saying rubbish that are not true. i dun lyk that. its wrong. they summore drink beer. NOT COOL!! ( but they think it is). go home change and get to work. today no friends on the shift. so sad. XD. mai make new frens. i lurve my jobs though it can be pain sometimes. cut my hand today. bleeding like hell. hurt as much too. bleeding stoped. haha. believe it or not. i din shed a tear. ^^. Thanks for dinner che!! youre de best!!! then back home to where i am right now. i havent opened my pay check envelope yet. haih. dun wan ler. later my mum take. tomorrow is another day

2006-11-05T15:20:00.000+08:00

the hectic day today begun at well 3 am. somehow i cant sleep. nothing to do til 7am haih. walk around and waste time. went to de market to buy groceries. orders from mum. after that was time to ****. by the time i reached there my frens all there ade. lucky im not late. hehe. *** as always will be hectic on sundays. no difference. extra lot of work only ma. so many ppl come today. much much more than usual. my face numb ade. keep on smiling. my legs hurt as usual so is my hands. carry 4 plates at once or not cannot catch up with de ppl. so freaking crazy today. summore today work overtime. thanks jake! kor if u din give me a ride home ar i think ill only reach home...really late. summore raining. thanks so much! haih. what i hate most is cleaning up the tables. man is irritating and disgusting as well.... a days work can be just so freaking tiring. practically half dead......Zzzzz

2006-11-03T17:11:00.000+08:00

today wus plain boring. nuttin to do. nothing to do also. stayed back. first it wus for cf then i ponteng as usual and go celebrate two girl's birthday. one is my fren de other is an idiot. anyways, she didnt come so just play basket ball lo. somehow its no fun playing with ppl who r idiots. they go an throw flour on my uniform. my hair also got. summore take cake and do my face. thats why theyre called idiots. dunno how to behave. act until like jakoon. my face all full of chocolate and my hair and uniform all white. worst comes to worst my mum saw me there. and i got a full time lecture in the car all the way to the house. today is like any other day. nothing special. just hate those form 1 girls. think i stupid ar. im not deff u know.... i can hear u and i can understand cantonese. sigh

2006-10-31T20:18:00.000+08:00

could my life get any worst?
LYK DUH!!!!
anugerah kok was just okay i guess. puan chang seemed happy with de taerobic. my feet hurt much much more the day i woke. after taerobic sit behind and watch. at least i cut down some boredom time. after that was school leavers service. changed and got ready. miss boey as usualy screaming. everyone was so blur. dunno wat to do. officially the worst school leavers service ever. mc, mich and esther. song leaders, eden flora siew may and melissa. the rest tamborine dance and singing and dancing plus de speaker. pathetic. WORST SCHOOL LEAVERS SERVICE EVER. after that was taekwondo anual meeting and party. had fun here though my feet didnt feel any better. i didnt feel like eating. so din eat. sirs and coaches plus stupid puan chang joined us. =.= im so drained out after that. went to aunty's house. barely had time to sleep. by the time we reached her house its already 4. took my bath at 5 and then at dinner and went to music class. got screamed at like hell. im already fucked up with me being so tired. im sleepy too. and she go and scold summore. cant she be more sensitive. fuck her. i hope she choke and die. i hate this new teacher. i want my old one. tahan so long. dunno wher to cry. i seroisly need to. after that got into a fight with my mum..thats normal. sigh.......today is just not my day...u'll never see me smile again.....

Brok3nD33pDowN

2006-10-30T21:06:00.000+08:00

today was just tiring...i mean..im running here after the stupid performance. go toilet and change... haih... my feet hurt..summore whole cf kena solded by miss boey. has she ever heard of the word ' nobody's perfect' ? she so idiotic sometimes. she wantd us to wear two layers of clothes. helooo... its 30 degrees+ out side. not to mention how hot de hall is with all de cardon dioxide. she has no brains. better safe than sorry. i dun like her screaming at me. i cant stand it wan. i got in trouble wat that time. i got so freaking angry. i slamed my books. helooo news flash i know im nto suppouse to do that but she shouted at me for drawing a line at the side. wtf. whats her problem. im so tired... i jus wan to sleep. but i cant cuz my mum wont let me. life couldnt get worst can it? i can barely sleep. some idiot keep calling me. my mum's gonna take my phone if he dun stop. i have no idea who he is or why he's calling. maybe its my granpa. XD. my feet hurt. my hair's short. ppl ask whether i bcum tb or not...puhleeez i very good girl wan.. even if i did my mum would freak.

2006-10-29T19:32:00.000+08:00

my wonderful original signature hair is gone!!!! help!!! its ruined!!!!

2006-10-29T19:06:00.000+08:00

my hair is ruined!!!!!

2006-10-28T17:47:00.000+08:00

heres the daily complaints and dumb things in my life that well, im sick of. tuition was boring the usual yakaty yak nothing to say. bored bored. i cant wait to go back to school.this is BORING......sitting here day after day...

2006-10-27T12:24:00.000+08:00

before anything else happens thats bad in my life... someone come get me!!! one, im so death bored at home im about to rot here. two, my plushie pig is gone!!! three, ive got stupid cf and taerobic to do which is so freakin pathetic. someone save me!!!

2006-10-26T17:04:00.000+08:00

here's a little part of me thats still a little gurl. i sleep with my fav little plushie pig. i've had it since i was like a baby. this post might sound totally absurb but i dun care! the pig wus always there when my frens turn me down and my family just dont go right. i hug it to sleep and it always kept me company when im alone. its so called my bestie. ^^. im still a kid now!! and i like being a kid!! its better than growning up anyways. well. last night i could ifnd it. usually it would be my sis trying to hid it or something.so i went looking all round the world for it. and could find it. my sis din hid it. then, i saw sumthing in de bin in my mums room. my mum tore my plushie pig apart!my poor pink plushie pig is gone! she distrpyed my pig >.< my fav. little pig. gone!!how could she do this to me? how could she just disorient my stuff like that. i bet next she'll break the guitar. since she's been complianing so much bout my playing to her is noise.i cried myself to sleep yesterday. some might be laughing at me reading this but that pig means alot to me. losing is jus like losing something u could never replace. i din bother to ask. since she found my seni paper tat night. i didnt want to quarrel wit her.i tucked myself to bed early and cried myself to sleep. and i tot my day was getting better when it just got worst. why is it that my life couldnt get better but only could get worst. god!!! whats wrong with u!! why do u keep torturing me like this. why dont u judt take life from me. rite now!!!

2006-10-25T16:49:00.000+08:00

the problem with long term holidays is...i get so bored so quickly...its sickening. im so pissed!!!! someone keeps hacking into my flyff account even after i already amde a new one and takes my money! i dunno who and i dunno how. today i din even bother to lvl up. wtf. soon he'll delete my char also. spent so much time doing the dumb quest. so freaking long. besides the fact that my mum is being so much of herself today, nothing happened. bored bored bored

2006-10-23T20:19:00.000+08:00

Sp3cial Story Fr0m M3 H34rt

"i wanted to tell her. i wanted to let her know. i wanted to be more than friends" how i wish i could as i watch us graduate pre school. she's my best friend. she thanked me for being a great friend and left. we met again as faith did its part to give me another chance. to my joy she still remembered me. she never forgotten my smile. we spent every counting moment we had together at high school. but the thruth is i never did get the guts to tell her my long lasting feeling for her. soon it was graduation and itll be over. after graduation she came up to me and thank me for being a great friend.i wanted to tell her. i wanted to let her know. i wanted to be more than friends. i got up the bus as i watch her dissapaer into the black limo. years passed but we still kept in touch. she told me a lot about her new fiance. she even invited me to her wedding. it was a tragic heartbreak but went anyway as a friend. she looked like an angel in her silky white gown with flowers in her hair. she kissed me on the cheek and thank me for being a great friend and for always being there for her. well, all i did was smile. why could i just say it out?? she said those two word ' i do ' meant to me that she was now and foreven not mine anymore. she was someone elses. i wanted to tell her. i wanted to let her know. i wanted ot be more than friends. now, only once in a while we'd keep in touch but still be as close as we were in pre school. one stormy night, i recieved a call from her husband imforming me of the death of my dear and beloved friend.i was speachless, it seems i just let her slip off my hands. i arrived at her funeral the following day. i watch her in her deep slumber. i wanted to tell her, i wanted to let her know. i wanted to be more than friends. i volentered to help her husband clear up her things. while i was picking up her old stuff. a book fell out from the shelves. i flicked the pages. my eys began to water.

how could i have missed thins chance. how could i have let him go. did he not have enough time. i wanted to tell him. i wanted to let him know. i wanted to be more than friends. and now. i could never spend my life with the man i truely love. though....i still wish i could

2006-10-23T19:54:00.000+08:00

once again...i welcome one and all to my dreadful blog where i put down all my pathetic llifes memories to share with all of u. and to make u cherish ur life mmore cuz my life is the worst of them all. all i plan to do this holiday is sulk in fornt of the computer whole day when my mum has to plan all these pathetic and idiotic family fun time...game time..sharing time.. its pathetic. i could have reached lvl 20 if it wasnt for all these time wasteing things. most people know im antisocial. so why am i drawn into a family who is so socialable. everytime we go to someones i house wheters its a party lyk todays ill jus sit by a table ignoring everyone else and anyone who talks to me enjoying my book. one thing i dont lyk bout these kind of functions is there are so many ppl at one place i actually feel like im gonna drown. and then there are idiotic boys plus girly girls whom i dont seem to fit in with. so why try. itll jus end up the same. i dont lyk make up. i dont lyk dresses. i dont lyk play boys. i dont lyk guys who act cool. i dont lyk ppl who force me. face it i dont lyk anything bout my life. life sucks

2006-10-22T17:56:00.000+08:00

as pathetic as this sounds it normal for me to say i hate boys as much as i hate ppl bugging me about the wrong things.a big shout out a notice today of my own personal pride!!! i ve bought books lots and lots of books to keep me company through out hte holidays. face it i love books!!! after a long patient wait..i finally got A Series Of Unfortunate Events Book 13!!!! I FINALLY GOT IT!!!!! besides the fact that i got the book that i wanted...someone gave me a pig key chain!!! i lurve pigs!!! black and white ones not those pink ones u see crawling in the mud. ^^

2006-10-21T10:51:00.000+08:00

welcome to my own personal hectic pathetic life of mine. where nothing seems to make perfect sense. my mum is not just murdering me but shes killing me into pieces and im tried of picking it up and sticking myself back together. whats the use when its gonna fall apart soone or later. my frens are angry with each other . ah..what the heck...i dun wanna get involved. my grades are dropping badly. i wonder if my mum would even sign my report book this year. if she doesnt ill sign it on my own. as if the teacher's gonna find out. i downloaded the wrong patch for flyff and now i have to redownload another one. i waited one whole day for it to download and it turns out wrong. and now im back to square one though im already lvl 10 by now. have to be an assist to help mun mun and michelle when we three play. maple story. i gave up again. i was too devasted that someone deleted my lvl 30 character. i dont vene have the mood to play water margin. my mum almost cried yesterday cuz she jus repaired her car when it got bumped again. pity...NOT!!! as if i would want to pity her.

2006-10-19T18:52:00.000+08:00

this day was worst than the last. my feet hurt like hell and walking up the stairs seem to be forever. the dancing? i cnat take it no more!!! its too painful for me to even bend down. and my knee is blue black. plus pn changs has so many comments bout taerobic that most of the time all i think she wants is face. its not as if like she's doing anything to help us. all she's doing is approving our practise time. thats all. i also can do la. plus i think cf needs more practise than the taekwondo girls do. besides this years school leavers service will be the WORST in the history of worst school leavers service. its totally absurb to scream at us when we do something wrong. its better when we have fun and practise at the same time. rather than suffering and forcing ourselves to practise. after the holidays is the rehearsal for curicular awards and then its the day of the curicular awards and after that will be school leavers service. and after that will be freedom for me!!! haih..i want to stay in class la..get all my result back. though i know its not gonna be good. no pian no gain

2006-10-17T20:56:00.000+08:00

call today a serries of unfortunate events. i over slept and got scolded in the morning. then i couldnt find my badges. then i couldnt find my taekwondo belt. then i went to school all moody as i usually do and found out i din bring all my exercise bbooks. i was so damn freaking pissed. then i saw my seni paper this mrning and wanted to cry out loud. but i still havent....i really want to...and i need to...then i spent the whole day doing school leavers service thank god man...i din bring any of my exercise books. but still had to go for science and here comes another i wanna cry scean...haih...my feet hurt lyk hell later. and stioll had to go for taerobic. i really no mood today. plus the stupid pn chang complain so much one single praise also din give. WTF is wrong with her. besides the fact taht she so called wants us to "dance" lyk the cheerleaders. translation according to me...she wants us to dance lyk bitches. haha..tough luck with that. sommore plan whole day practisa tomorro. someone kill me please!!!!!!! after that i walk back to school and saw ppl at de bb court....i wanna play......then was my music class. explain to me one thing. why does my life seem to fill my heart with sorrows. tomorrow grantee i will cry wan. i cannot tahan ade. she go and scold me for the whole lesson. WTF. i do this wron i do that wrong. WTF does she want!!!. haiyor.... then go in the car my mumscold me forkepping her waiting for 1 hour. scold scold scold. and now im wrintting my sorrows here.. i need a shoulder to cry on........

2006-10-16T15:05:00.000+08:00

betrayal and broken hearts come in one package. theres no telling what will it do to you. tears will flow. fear will appear in our eyes. i really have no idea how to explain what would happen. its all in experience actually. in my own words id cry a ocean and still i would be sad and un satisfied. my grandpa died on the day i wish something exciting would happen in my life. did i foretold his death?? did i cause his death by my wish for death on myself? i dont really wanna think bout this. his death cause millions of relatives and loved ones that he left behind shed tears.

2006-10-15T23:40:00.000+08:00

how can i explain this when there are no words to do so. just one thing for todays poat. short and simple cuz nothing happend today tahts worth u guys knowing.... BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR

2006-10-13T16:28:00.000+08:00

todays just not my day!!!! thats one thing that i wanna make it clear. i hate boys!!!!!! dumb idiotic guys!!!!my mum's gonna band me from everything in my life is she sees me at the basket ball court filled with guys which are btw idiots. or if she sees me with a tomboy....sometimes i wish i wasnt alive. when people say in pretty they are lying. when people say im ugly they are too proud of themselves. if they say im smart they are lying. if they say im stupid they just too proud. if they say im pretty and smart it doesnt make me pretty smart it makes me feel lied to. if they say im ugly and stupid it doesnt make me feel any better than pretty smart it makes me feel lied to. how long are you gonna me waiting. how long are you gonna delay this. cuz i cannot wait no more.

2006-10-12T16:52:00.000+08:00

when it comes to life ill describe it in three words " unfair " " pathetic " " useless ". how i pray that id die right now. my stomach hurts from basket ball. dunno whose knee kena me. but i dun blame them. i had so much fun today. most fun ive had in decades. i feel confuised sometimes. i drift away from a few of my frens and a simple game can get us all close again for just a moment. i lurve all my frens. they seem to be the only thing in my life that appreciates me and love me for who i am ( not lesbian...as a sis ). now my foot hurts plus my tummy.... >.<>
I LOVE BASKET BALL AND WELL......MY FRENS

2006-10-11T17:02:00.000+08:00

i really dont want to know what will happen today or tomorrow or after that.i finally finished my exams. what a relief. though im gonna fail like shit. who cares! theres a whole lot of things happening today. after school huei cwin me sarritha went to basket ball court wan to play wan but no basket ball. so the huei cwin and sarritha took de broom and helped dry the court. funny. i didnt bother.we spent like 2 whole hours trying to dry that dumb place. then to shorten the story sarritha triped off a root and fell on a bigger one and started laughing. end!! haha...no mood to write long today. short and simple thats my life. i hope.

2006-10-10T16:56:00.000+08:00

theres nothing in this world taht could make my life complete...one more day and im free from the torture from this horrible pointless examination...its a total waste of time...today's question...how could you love someone who doesnt love you...do you love me for who i am or what i pretend to be...kinda sucks to be me so i dont think anyone want to be right now...i really want to switch with someone...somehow i dont mind...i want to escape from this horrible nightmare...im not prefect and i know that...so why do you have to rub it in my face...

2006-10-07T18:51:00.000+08:00

i finally figured out that youre all the same
always coming out with some kind of story
cuz take a look at me and youll see im for real
i cant help it if i space in a daze
my eyes turn out the other way
i may switch off and go in a day dream
in this head my thoughts are deep
sometimes i cant even speak
would someone be and and pretend im off again
in my world
i dont know when will ANYONE stop blaming and stop LYING to me. my mum blamed me for causing HER to knock someone's car while i DIDNT do ANYTHING. she said i "DISTRACTED" her. then it was a whole lot of scolding.im sorry if i begin to sound dramatic but its just really unfair. especially when i didnt do anything. thing became worst but i decided not to share the horror. those who know whats happening will understand. this saves them the imbaracement. since they were loud enough to LIE to me. especially about something like this. now i know why my mum wanted to check my phone. even if i was innocent no one would believe me. besides the fact that i cant thrust anyone anymore. theres nothing in this world that makes my life more broken than it already is.....

p.s. i typed this with my elbows...took sometime...but.. ok wat

2006-10-06T16:26:00.000+08:00

today was off to a bad start...lol...figures...first of all..bi and pj paper was so damn freaking easy!!!!monday got sejarah...>.< charanjeet(dunno how 2 spell tat freaking lady's name la) scolded me bout my hair...theres a fact that i learn...charan dont like people with my kind of hair...espcially when they dont pin up like me..^^hehe. i dont know why have to pin up. my hair's not bothering me or i my face or something. its just at de side...is that a crime...i din get offence also...plus its not a very big deal if charan kick me ut of st mary...ill GLADLY go....damn i feel like killing my mum...just bcuz im close and friends with someone who looks like a tb she has to jump to conclusion..so what if im frens with tb...im not gonna lke turn into them...you dont wan me to know or get close to any guy...just to protect me??!! you dont want me to go out often..just to protect me??!! being your crappy self i dont even listen. i know boys and its none of your buisness. i get heartbroken by them its none of your buisness.i kinda wish you'd stop bugging me.....oh yea...and my sis is still a dumb brat....^^

2006-10-05T18:20:00.000+08:00

finally. ive done my projects. now only left the sivic one. who cares. im just glad im done with the kgt project. woohoo!!! too bad i got so mad. i lost all my downloads and had to do them all over again. my dumb sis got some virus in it again. i have to download water margin and maple and flyff. im so so so gonna kill her. should put one in her profile and get all her stuff deleted. damn!

2006-10-03T13:52:00.000+08:00

life is now even more unbearable . exams draw near and i dont even bother to study . im jus glad i finish my KGT . so damn confuising . now no choice cause have to pass up tomorrow so simply do la . as long as i pass up and get some marks . i dont understand why we have to do all these crap . i mean...its no use to us . we wont be doing in still in de next 30 years . so why force us to do things when its not important . furthermore it screws up our mind and effect our studies . who ever that started this dumb thing must go to hell . cause that fella is practically not thinking bout anyone but his own comfort . all the teachers just give and mark give and mark . while we have to do all the thinking and typing and searching . when we could be enjoying our school life rather feeling misarable over a few silly and useless projects that pile up . the ministry of education must be blur to not know this . somemore add extra subjects.

2006-10-01T19:24:00.000+08:00

today!!! is another living proof that guys a idiots..or..im jus retarded....somethings definately wrong with me....i cant find a single guy that i can thrust after what happend...either that or the guy's just too idiotic and desparate... ok ok ok...enough bout this crap!!! today was just boring at tuition...except for the fact that stilll remains...emily lurve irritating me...i somehow get real irritated but dont show it....shes unbearable....>< wats wrong with looking around class?! i mean its boring and im trying to entertain myself... it's impossible to understand what's going on through a guy's heart u told me that u wanted me and now that i've given u everything, u tell me ur leaving u told me it was the first time you felt this way, and said that i was special ii believed you and it was my happiness *you should have told me your feelings have faded *i had no idea, and i continued to depend on u *although i say i hate you now, ill be missing u *because im a girl , to whom love is everything ^they say when u give a guy all he wants he quickly gets bored ^and now i know that's the thruth ^although i tell myself, i'll never be tricked by love again ^i fall in love, and my heart is broken again repeat* repeat ^ please dont break the hearts of girls, who would do anything for love i didnt know that living this life while being loved would be so hard although i say i hate you now, i'll be missing u because im a girl, to whom love is everything

2006-09-30T22:10:00.000+08:00

feeling misarable now...i cant stand it...why does she have to ruin everything for me...its really unfair...LIFE'S UNFAIR!!!!! ESPECIALLY MINE!!!!!!

2006-09-30T18:42:00.000+08:00

i jus hate today thats for sure. this day is living proof that my mum dont care. she gets so cooked up over my sis's birthday she dont even remember to wake me up for tuition. damn her!! i have nothing to say today. ill keep my energy for more important things. i hate being forgotten.

2006-09-29T17:58:00.000+08:00

why do you keep me in darkness and solitary confinement when i jus want a chance so show you what i can do. why do you define whatever i do as WRONG. id do anything for you to jus look at me. why wont you. im your daughter. or maybe you'd rather not have me as yours. all my life i never go things my way. i never got things i want. all i got was mocks from you and you alone. your mocking voice haunts me til today. do you need a miracle to look at me. i know im no angel nor miracle. im not invisible either. my whole life. you treated me like i never exsisted. id rather be anywher but here. though im invisible at school too, at least i have friends that thrust in what i can do and dont claim that whatever i do is WRONG. everywhere i go the loneliness seem to follow me. i cant do anythign about it. you crush everything ive ever dreamed of. but my faith is still with me till today when u took it. im sick of takingleaps of faith thinking you'd come and pick me up when i fall with a smile. you just come to me with the loudest and most hurtful mocking voice. is doing things i love WRONG. why do you let a bunch of idiotic guys stand in the way of your daughter's happiness. all i want is to play basket ball. and just because some guys go there too, i cant go. who wrote that rule must think im real stupid. is it because im a girl. maybe i dont want to be a girl anymore if i had to suffer every minute and second of everyday of my life til i lie dead under the earth. if this is what being a girl is like, i dont want to be a girl anymore. i'd rather be invisible. unseen by mocking voices around me that haunt me. uncried tears over flow. i kept so many tears. i just need a friend's shoulder to cry on. oh yea. none of my friends know exactly and perfectly whats going at home when i get into the golden avanza. cause i never told anyone. though i played basket ball today. i dont feel the same happiness i usually get out of basket ball.somehow. something was missing. maybe someone. i dont know. i feel weird today tahts all. if you dont see me tomorrow you'll know that im already dead. i never wanted to live. i really need to find a best friend that last for a life time. most of my friends just make me feel more out of the crowd. i want to fit in.....

i didnt know living while being loved would be so hard

2006-09-28T17:32:00.000+08:00

all i wanted wan to be loved. why is it so hard for you to see that. i cant talk back and i know tat. wat if i had to tell you sumthing important.all these 14 years. i think de only time u ever said i love u was when i made you really proud and tat was history now. i dont i ever hear u say it to me anymore. im trying to say something but u keep closing the door at me. you used to care so much.why do you keep me away. why do you abandon me.why do you hide me from the world. is it because im a big disgrace to you. that i cant do anything right. that all you need now is my lil sis . a good two shoe. you dont need a worthless failure like me. why am i looking down on myself? isnt that what you hv though me all my life? you keep looking at all the bad things you dont even notice anything good in me anymore. so tell me now. is it worth being good when you cant see it in me?im faithless and hopeless. so why did you give birth to me in the first place? i had to sneak to do things i lurve cause its againts your rules.i followed them for 13 years. wat else do you want from me? i did all the things you want me to do. i didnt even get a single offence. i could get top 5 in my class if i tried. but i gave up on that long ago. when you started to leave me in the darkness. i wonder how low do i have to get to make you care. the thing is you dont even thrust your own daughter. you'd rather thrust someone else. i thought it was your job to protect me. now i know that im in a battle against the world tat shudders me to the darkness day by day. soon ill die to exsist. all the crap people tell me is nothing to me. cause i cant thrust anyone besides me.

last time...HISTORY!!! BUT STILL TRUE

2006-09-27T18:10:00.000+08:00

Bitches in school...BEWARE
thers nothing to piss a girl off like a BITCH.
here's proof...cuz today i jus got so pissed i sweared all my way bakc to school from bowies house
i got so angry my face was blood red like i killed sumone
there's so many things i didnt like bout the people around me
im jus too nice to say it out loud
well guesse wat.....saying it out loud makes me feel so much better
1. i hate ppl who think they're alll awesome but not
2. i hate ppl who act smart but are stupid
3. i hate ppl screaming at me form no reason like tat day miss boey did to me
4. i hate ppl who jus care bout hair and make up and how they look
5. i hate being bossed around by everyone including at school
6. i hate being thought of a week cuz im small ( well guess wat this gurl got a nuclear bom waiting for u behind her back )
7. i hate being forced to do things i dont wanna
8. i hate being the one who's out of the crowd sometimes
9. i hated being so intuition bout so many things 10. i hate being SCREAMED AT BY SOMEONE WHO THINKS SHE'S THE BOSS OF ME CUZ IM DE "dau tang mui"
today i wanted to go to bowie's house wit shi ling and wen gin and pei yee...i didnt know bowie let them alone in de house after wat happend to de house...they went without me and i jus went round school wit jo ann talking crap actually and she said she couldnt....lol then i got bored at bout 2.30 and went to bowie's and shouted for them cuz they were upstairs ( i shoudnt have done that ) shi ling and wen gin came down like a bunch of chickens... and pei yee all cool..guess they have been playing fatal frame ( stupid game ) then pei yee asked whether its only me... of couse la... then i said yes...."jus now we go u dun wan to do" she said in an annoyed way. i ignored it they stromed off upstairs i follew behind and then i wus eating so didnt wan to go into de room so i watch from de door ....pei yee wanted to close de door so she told me to go in... i said i didnt want to... she asked again.... isaid no...then she just screamed at me.." you dont wanna come in get out" ...... " swat!!!" i stromed off ....she slamed the door behind me.... i opend the gate and stromed back to schoo; swearing away....dun get me wrong i couldnt stand her anymore... if this was de first time she actually got me irri tated i would forgive her but its not....she hit me by her own fun will the other day so damn freaking pain....she went and gave me a nickname tat i didnt even like....at leats she should have asked me if i minded but NOOOO.... she had to give me a stupid nickname... one more thing she cant understand english so its ssafe to publish this... damn!! ppl say third times the charm well in this case .....third times the disaster..i feel like talling so many ppl bout this but....pei yee would kill to keep her secret safe if u get wat i mean....she jus banged huei cwins head on the school desk de other day for telling mun - mun bout the "thing" pei yee dont feel pain or hurt she spreads it....i dun even know why she has frens...i wouldnt want to be her fren..i'd have to alway de on her good side....well guess wat im not gonna follow rules cuz there are no rule stat could keep me from doing wat i want if it menas i have to kill everyone on earth before i get to you....

Damn pei yee YOU PISSED ME OFF MAJORLY TODAY
I NEVER WANNA SEE YOURDAMN FACE AGAIN
I NEVER WANNA HEAR YOUR DAMN VOICE
I NEVER WANNA HEAR YOUR FREAKING NAME
I NEVER WANNA HEAR ANYTHING TATS GOT TO DO WIT U
CUZ U KNOW WAT
I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE
FOR 14 YEARS I HAVE BEEN GOING BY THE BOOK FOLLOWING ORDERS
NEVER DOING WAT I WANT CUZ I NEVER SAY IT OUT
IM GONNA TEAR AND BURN THAT DAMN BOOK AND BREAK THOSE FREAKING ORDERS
I MAKE MY OWN RULES
TODAY....
ITS....

"NOBODY CARES BOUT HOW U FEEL SO WHY SHOULD U"

~~ PEACE OUT ~~

falling apart

2006-09-27T16:12:00.000+08:00

ive got nothing to say these few days...jus sick of all the projects and stuff to do...plus the exams are coming up and i havent study....haih....ill make this short and simple....since i hav to go study....plus during de long term holidays i wont be around to do anything wit you guys so...sorry.....ive got plans to go to which i dont wan to fulfil...

uncried tears

2006-09-26T20:56:00.000+08:00

i wonder why i put up with all these things in my life tat are not worth it... put this song jus for today...im fed up with writing all i need too and slamming de key board jus because im angry at my pathetic life...

"I'm having the day from hell,
It wasn't all going so well (before you came)
And you told me you needed space,
With a kiss on the side my face (not again)
And not to mention (the tears I shed)
But I should have kicked your (ass instead)
I need intervention
Attention to stop temptation to scream
Cause baby
Everything is F'ed up straight from the heart
Tell me what do you do,
when it all falls apart
Gotta pick myself up where do I start
Cuz I can't turn to you when it all falls apart
No

Don't know where I parked my car
Don't know who my real friends are (anymore)
I put my faith in you
What a stupid thing to do (when it rains it pours)
And not to mention (I drank too much)
I'm feeling hung over (and out of touch)
I need intervention
Attention to stop temptation to scream
Cause baby
Everything is F'ed up straight from the heart
Tell me what do you do, when it all falls apart
Gotta pick myself up where do I start
Cuz I can't turn to you when it all falls apart
No
Can it be easier?
Can I just change my life?
Cause it just seems to go bad everytime
Will I be mending?another one ending once again
Everything is F'ed up straight from the heart
Tell me what do you do, when it all falls apart
Gotta pick myself up where do I start
Cuz I can't turn to you when it all falls apart
No [x2]
Falls apart
Gotta pick myself up 'cause things are messed up

IM FED UP WITH MY LIFE

torn apart

2006-09-25T18:50:00.000+08:00

i cant help it when i comes to frens i have too many to spend time with...
a) keishailla
b) andrianna
c) huei cwin
d) esther
e) mun mun
f) michelle
g) ying ying
h) wen gin <> i) hui xin
j) josephine
k) ramya
l) shangeeth
m) ramana
n) wai yee
o) sarritha
p) farzana
q) amirah
r) fiona
s) swet yan
t) cecilia
u) hong hsuan
v) fiona
w) nabihah
x) sarveswari
y) shamini
z) ragini
lol...got so much more i cant name...its be wasting my time anyway...today was jus wrong...my fren ask me to chase my fren away from de table but she's my fren too....and i cant jus halau her away...huei cwin's sick today so she's kinda moody in a sense....i cant jus go and tell her " yo u cant sit here get out"....wats wrong today...i usually feel belong in one of the many cliques im in....today none wan really maming fit in...my exsistence seem to just fade away.....sometimes i wonder why i still put up wit all these things in my life....

bunch of bull shit!!!

2006-09-24T15:21:00.000+08:00

in my heart i long and wish
no one would ever come to this
never would i have to cry
over some stupid silly thing
clouds roam my world
evil lives within it
never to smile again as long as i live
caos rule in this helpless land
evil lives inside and out side of it now and forever
over the time
far worst has happend
many souls have died
everything is gone

and only one little soul left
lost in the darkness
on a run away
never to return
ever again

haih...so sick of my life....i really wanna comit suicide....

my life cant get any worst

2006-09-23T19:45:00.000+08:00

besides de fact tat my mum's killing me so much... she even wants to read my blog.... AS IF>>>> she cant even operate de computer let alone connect de internet line.... summore wan to read my blog.... GO TO HELL!!!!! i really wanna die today... i feel like well me actually... wit my sis getting me in trouble AGAIN.... she always uses her CRY BABY TACTIC..... pathetic... i feel like crying... my mum took my freedom.... she took my dignity.... now she's gonna take away my all time joy of life??!!!!! i wanna celebrate my birthday like i did last year... i wan all my frewns to be wit me... i wan all of us to jus spend time doing nothing..... NOW!!!!!!!!! I CANT!!!!!!!!!!! she wont let me... id ratehr not go to tat stupid holiday trip than not celebrate my birthday..... I DONT CARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU PAY FOR IT!!!! NO MATTER HOW MUCH TIME YOU SPEND TO GET IT DONE!!! I WILL NOT GO!!!!!!!!! i really dont wanna not celebrate my birthday.... i was counting de days til my birthday... until today... i really hate my mum..... she seem so nice to me at de begining of de day. then she jus blabed it out!!!! i dunno why i have her as her mum.... maybe.... she's my step mum... my real mum die when i was born.... tats why she love my sis more cuz she was de wan ta concieved her... either ta or she jus hates me!!!!!!!!!!!!! damn she wus discussing my sis 's brithday party in front of me.... i feel like F!*King her!!!!! i really felt like crying.... I WAN TO CELEBRATE MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!

this sucks......

2006-09-22T20:31:00.000+08:00

how is it tat everytime i wanna do sumthing there's sumone in my way. oh yea....i heard sumthign today i didnt wanna hear.....kinda dangerous to write it out ...but who cares!!!!! wg says tat if i wus tb she would chase me...but as far as im concerned i didnt hear anything...wakakakaka.....

besides my "mum" dun let wat....
i lurve my hair so much!!!!
heheheheh
i wonder whether we would really be frens 4eva...
on my oppinoin...
i dont think so....
NO LA!!!!! WE"LL BE BFFZ i forgot wat i wanted to write... MY MUM WONT STOP KILLING ME!!!!! im so damn freaking mad i could kill sumone!!! darn she jus blamed me for playing basket ball today again but i didnt.... besides i didnt get caught for skipping maths class yesterday so no big deal....i really dun wanna stay here....i cant sms ying ying ( 2f) cuz she has this hobby of showing ppl her inbox....HATE TAT THING!!!!! %%$$##^^&@*(!)
my life i terrible....
i hate it so much
im miserable!!!!!!!

wat i wanted

2006-09-22T20:20:00.000+08:00

wat i wanted was love but all i got was hate....
wat i wanted was freedom but im still traped in this prison...
wat i wanted was to be me yet i bcum sumone else....
wat i wanted was to fit in but i keep standing out....
wat i wanted was to be accepted yet i've been rejected...
nobody has ever asked me wat i really wanted....
nobody has ever careed if i was in pain....
i wonder when was de last time we ever had a girl to girl talk....
i wonder when was de last time you actually came and find me in de morning just to smile at me....
i wonder when was it....
i wonder when was de last time you said im glad i have u....
now...
i dont even care....
im sick of standing out of de crowd...
for once i wanna fit in....
argh!!!
face it!!
i jus need basket ball

dumb teacher...dumb school

2006-09-22T17:33:00.000+08:00

maybe there's sumthign good into this whole going to school thing....and yet...maybe not...this is dumb...i dun wanna bo this cuz of tat...i dun wanna do tat cuz of this...life's so unfair!!! even the will to play basketball can get me my own basket ball and hoop...damn it!!! i can get anythign my way for once... anyone here pls pls pls...remind me to remind ben lee and wei jean tat miss boey told me to remind them tat they need to take de paperon her table and copy on de white board... im jus doing this to remember..lol... i have short term memory lost... im kinda bored these past few days... nothign to do...i was thinking bout de free lessons tat guys was having....im gonna do it even if my mum says no....damn her..i dont care...

YAY!!!! WOOHOOO!!!!!

2006-09-21T17:00:00.000+08:00

im so glad besides the fact that i have so many projects to do and homework not done. im good!! better !!! i had so much fun today although its wrong to ponteng class but...i did!!! i even brought my phone...wakakaka so fun... de best part was toking wit huei cwin and sarritha bout crap....then we played basket ball wit wai yee and 2 form one gurls whom i dont know...haha.... we had de offer of a life time!!!! i MEAN IT!!!!! SO LUCKY!!!!!!! the man there offered us free basket ball classes!!!! OMG!!!! I WANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~end of happy section~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ my mum is jus a crappy fella.... all her rules tat I have to follow.... is bcuz she dun wanna feel guilty.... i say it BULL SHIT!!!!!! she just hates it tat im so happy at school she just hates it tat i love things she cant do.... she just hates it tat i can do things and think faster than she can... besides....im de only one my sis can follow for fashion..... i pity who ever follows my mum.... totally tacky.... im getting really mean.... lol..... pity ppl who got stuck in manisyah's class could have had the change of a life time... I DUN CARE!!!! WAKAKAKAK!!!!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~end of pathetic part~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ lol.....my blog so many parts..... im jus bored la.... this year im so good.... not... din masuk buku kuning...din get offence.. din even get teacher angry...oh wait!!! I DID MAKE MISS BOEY ANGRY lol.....haih...nthg ade la.... ~~ peace out ~~

my home.....WAT???!!!!

2006-09-20T16:43:00.000+08:00

im prctically living the worst nightmare of my entire life. no one cares. my mum tortures me like nobody buisness. my school life? dont even get me started. first it was the whole i hate you you hate me thing. then i was kong love wai yee thing. then i was i dunno wat thing cuz they wont tell me. then i was the bowie house thing. after that is the pei yee screaming at me thing plus the HITTING!!! and then it was de hair cut thing. then it was de lesbian thing. then it was the wen gin is a bitch thing. then it was ying ying and wen gin thing. then it was no more wen gin and ying ying. then was my mum's an evil dictator thing. then it was playing swing is my hobby. then was my mum's killing me. then it was I HATE MY LIFE!!!! GOD!!! TAT FELT GOOD!!! today was nothing different from any other day... you'll soon grow bored of my blog and so will i..... jus went to de playground... didi some crap. and well tats bout it...theres no spark being wit ppl you barely know... i had fun today though.... ying ying and i played onde swing....childish i know... but its fun...i kinda feel bad...huei ciwn feels left out... i can see it...i would too if i was in her place.. its her last year here...maybe wanna do some surprise party for her just to say good bye...she'll cherish it!! hehehe.. i feel kind of bad...sometimes...leaving my other frens for my other frens... both gangs are my frens... but they dont actually see eye to eye... so i cant spilt myself into half you know.... so...srry you guys if i ever deserted you... hahaha...im like writing a will or sumthing.. anyway im jus tryin to be happy so excuse de fake-ness... ~ peace out ~