god damn it today was jus so crappy!!! i really wanna murder myself after wat happened. already im being enslaved and now it just got worst.
i seriously dont know how i get myself into these messes some times. and now i cant exactly get out. to frens who i ade told you wats gonna happen today. well heres wat happened


one by one. group by group. people begin to pack up the house. after dinner they separated to teens and adults. one side each. as usualy my parents were the first to arrive. so called "excited" about it. i cant believe they finished dinner so fast. and then i was left alone wit Lee. how am i gonna put tis?! well we jus sat there with nothing to say til more people came. this shud sound good for u Matt. i was overjoyed to see u actually. ^^ . then they kinda went to grab dinner and left me alone with Lee again. i was sms-ing when Lee jus came and grab and tossed my phone aside. and i mean throw. i got up. furious. he pushed me back on de sofa. Lee was so close to my face i could feel him breath. and fucking hell i wasnt comfortable. "Dont move servant". wat was i to do?! i heard then coming back in and Lee just got closer. then i got disgusted when he licked me. T.T . i could see Matt burst in. " are we interupting something?! ", tat was suppouse to be a retorical question Matt asked. my little heart skipped a beat.

i could see Lee was angry and yet a little satisfied with him self. then the rest of the night was jus boring. then we decided to play a game. similar game we ( in tis case we is for me and my school mates ) played in wyin pings house. i was praying tis tragedy wasnt going to happen. since guys mainly out numbered the girls the guys change loads of the rules. okay so Lee got that stupid kissing card and he dengan bangganya ask me to get up. unwillingly i got up. kept my distance. then he whispered "closer". i said no. "closer. as close as we were jus now" he whispered. god please save me! i took one step closer and tats all it took. i felt terribly uncomfortable. were milimetres away from each other. Lee pushed my head up and jus kissed me lyk tat. fuck him!!! i pushed him and ran. i terribly sorry for myself. im terrified. i could hear them laughing. guessed they continued without me. i dont know how long i sat there but then the noise piped down. i didnt want to move from that spot. it felt like santuary. and it wasnt a surprise when the one that came looking for me was Lee.


i looked away. acted as if i didnt see him cuz i dont wanna see him. then my heart suddenly stopped beating. Lee held me from behind. and started to smell my hair?! okay tat was weird. his hands. from my shoulder to my waist. and then i got disgusted again. i dunno wats so nice bout my neck. after that i jus blacked out as in i didnt know wat else to think or do. Lee pushed me against the wall. god damn it that hurt a lot!!!! " hands around me" he ordered. this is not worth a secret tat big. but tis is not worth even my life. his nose touched mine. "you are my servant. you are mine.understand? " he said. i nodded reluctantly. he kissed me again...and it hurt that i could do anything. it hurt cuz i dont wan Lee kissing me. i turned away when his tongue started. and walked away. i had nothing else to say. i felt like crying. im not a whore. not a whore. Lee didnt follow me after that. i sat at the porch staring at the sky. " Hey. wanna know something?" matt asked. joining me. " yea.. wat??" faintly i said. "Lee definately is not for u"
"Yea i know.....its real stupid"
"Rough night eh..."
"You dont know the half of it"
"Maybe jus a quarter."
"Ah D wouldnt want to sad you know"
"Ya...i could have guessed tat myself"
"Neither do i."
"I guess so"
"Well Ah D has been blaming himself for tis slavery of urs"
"Figures."
"I wonder what would he do if he knew wat happened"
"Probably kill himself?!"
"I hate Lee"
"Who doesnt"
"I wanna die"
"Look.Will it help if u talked to ah D?"
"NO! he'll ask. wat am i gonna say..."
"The truth. Thats all."


he left me to think. i wished i could really turn back time. i wished none of this ever happened. i wish i never met any of these people. i wish i wasnt alive anymore.


then i heard a voice i merely remember.
"Still wanna die?"
He was squating in front of me.
"Not really".
"What are you doing here anyway?"
"Just tot u might need some cheering up."
"Oodlez of it. i tot u said u couldnt come"
"Tot would be a nice surprise but i guess not."
"I really dont know what i do to deserve this"
"You didnt do anything wrong.It was me."
"You shud cry at home. or when available. not here."
"I can do that. i think."
"^^ So wat time r u leaving for home?"
"I dont know.....i really dont....i wish i did...."
"Ok Ok....I told u I'd protect u wit my life and i will."
"............................I dont know wat to think anymore"
"I'm sorry."
"...why'd u appologise?"
"Cuz i dont wanna lose you."
"...am i suppouse to feel the same?!"
"I dont know...but please...smile?"
i looked and gave him a faint smile. he smiled back and gave me a hug.
"Never will i let u be hurt again."
and when i tot all was turning out okay it jus got bad. He waited till i left. and when i entered to car my mum started to talk. and when she talks its never good. she compliant on who de hell was that guy. and how im so close to him... blah blah blah. then she went and talk about Lee. the person i was trying to get my mind out of. my eyes were about to water with every second of her talking bout how great he is. how porper he is for me. all lies!!!!!

now im home. happy to be so. but the memory of tonight will live on forever let me assure you this. im a slave. a servant. i am....


no longer me....