Saturday, September 30, 2006
feeling misarable now...i cant stand it...why does she have to ruin everything for me...its really unfair...LIFE'S UNFAIR!!!!! ESPECIALLY MINE!!!!!!
10:10 PM
Can I Turn Back Time?
i jus hate today thats for sure. this day is living proof that my mum dont care. she gets so cooked up over my sis's birthday she dont even remember to wake me up for tuition. damn her!! i have nothing to say today. ill keep my energy for more important things. i hate being forgotten.
6:42 PM
Can I Turn Back Time?
Friday, September 29, 2006
why do you keep me in darkness and solitary confinement when i jus want a chance so show you what i can do. why do you define whatever i do as WRONG. id do anything for you to jus look at me. why wont you. im your daughter. or maybe you'd rather not have me as yours. all my life i never go things my way. i never got things i want. all i got was mocks from you and you alone. your mocking voice haunts me til today. do you need a miracle to look at me. i know im no angel nor miracle. im not invisible either. my whole life. you treated me like i never exsisted. id rather be anywher but here. though im invisible at school too, at least i have friends that thrust in what i can do and dont claim that whatever i do is WRONG. everywhere i go the loneliness seem to follow me. i cant do anythign about it. you crush everything ive ever dreamed of. but my faith is still with me till today when u took it. im sick of takingleaps of faith thinking you'd come and pick me up when i fall with a smile. you just come to me with the loudest and most hurtful mocking voice. is doing things i love WRONG. why do you let a bunch of idiotic guys stand in the way of your daughter's happiness. all i want is to play basket ball. and just because some guys go there too, i cant go. who wrote that rule must think im real stupid. is it because im a girl. maybe i dont want to be a girl anymore if i had to suffer every minute and second of everyday of my life til i lie dead under the earth. if this is what being a girl is like, i dont want to be a girl anymore. i'd rather be invisible. unseen by mocking voices around me that haunt me. uncried tears over flow. i kept so many tears. i just need a friend's shoulder to cry on. oh yea. none of my friends know exactly and perfectly whats going at home when i get into the golden avanza. cause i never told anyone. though i played basket ball today. i dont feel the same happiness i usually get out of basket ball.somehow. something was missing. maybe someone. i dont know. i feel weird today tahts all. if you dont see me tomorrow you'll know that im already dead. i never wanted to live. i really need to find a best friend that last for a life time. most of my friends just make me feel more out of the crowd. i want to fit in.....
5:58 PM
Can I Turn Back Time?
Thursday, September 28, 2006
all i wanted wan to be loved. why is it so hard for you to see that. i cant talk back and i know tat. wat if i had to tell you sumthing important.all these 14 years. i think de only time u ever said i love u was when i made you really proud and tat was history now. i dont i ever hear u say it to me anymore. im trying to say something but u keep closing the door at me. you used to care so much.why do you keep me away. why do you abandon me.why do you hide me from the world. is it because im a big disgrace to you. that i cant do anything right. that all you need now is my lil sis . a good two shoe. you dont need a worthless failure like me. why am i looking down on myself? isnt that what you hv though me all my life? you keep looking at all the bad things you dont even notice anything good in me anymore. so tell me now. is it worth being good when you cant see it in me?im faithless and hopeless. so why did you give birth to me in the first place? i had to sneak to do things i lurve cause its againts your rules.i followed them for 13 years. wat else do you want from me? i did all the things you want me to do. i didnt even get a single offence. i could get top 5 in my class if i tried. but i gave up on that long ago. when you started to leave me in the darkness. i wonder how low do i have to get to make you care. the thing is you dont even thrust your own daughter. you'd rather thrust someone else. i thought it was your job to protect me. now i know that im in a battle against the world tat shudders me to the darkness day by day. soon ill die to exsist. all the crap people tell me is nothing to me. cause i cant thrust anyone besides me.
5:32 PM
Can I Turn Back Time?
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Bitches in school...BEWARE
thers nothing to piss a girl off like a BITCH.
here's proof...cuz today i jus got so pissed i sweared all my way bakc to school from bowies house
i got so angry my face was blood red like i killed sumone
there's so many things i didnt like bout the people around me
im jus too nice to say it out loud
well guesse wat.....saying it out loud makes me feel so much better
1. i hate ppl who think they're alll awesome but not
2. i hate ppl who act smart but are stupid
3. i hate ppl screaming at me form no reason like tat day miss boey did to me
4. i hate ppl who jus care bout hair and make up and how they look
5. i hate being bossed around by everyone including at school
6. i hate being thought of a week cuz im small ( well guess wat this gurl got a nuclear bom waiting for u behind her back )
7. i hate being forced to do things i dont wanna
8. i hate being the one who's out of the crowd sometimes
9. i hated being so intuition bout so many things
10. i hate being SCREAMED AT BY SOMEONE WHO THINKS SHE'S THE BOSS OF ME CUZ IM DE "dau tang mui"
today i wanted to go to bowie's house wit shi ling and wen gin and pei yee...i didnt know bowie let them alone in de house after wat happend to de house...they went without me and i jus went round school wit jo ann talking crap actually and she said she couldnt....lol then i got bored at bout 2.30 and went to bowie's and shouted for them cuz they were upstairs ( i shoudnt have done that ) shi ling and wen gin came down like a bunch of chickens... and pei yee all cool..guess they have been playing fatal frame ( stupid game ) then pei yee asked whether its only me... of couse la... then i said yes...."jus now we go u dun wan to do" she said in an annoyed way. i ignored it
they stromed off upstairs i follew behind and then i wus eating so didnt wan to go into de room so i watch from de door ....pei yee wanted to close de door so she told me to go in... i said i didnt want to... she asked again.... isaid no...then she just screamed at me.." you dont wanna come in get out" ...... " swat!!!" i stromed off ....she slamed the door behind me.... i opend the gate and stromed back to schoo; swearing away....dun get me wrong i couldnt stand her anymore... if this was de first time she actually got me irri tated i would forgive her but its not....she hit me by her own fun will the other day so damn freaking pain....she went and gave me a nickname tat i didnt even like....at leats she should have asked me if i minded but NOOOO.... she had to give me a stupid nickname... one more thing she cant understand english so its ssafe to publish this... damn!! ppl say third times the charm well in this case .....third times the disaster..i feel like talling so many ppl bout this but....pei yee would kill to keep her secret safe if u get wat i mean....she jus banged huei cwins head on the school desk de other day for telling mun - mun bout the "thing"
pei yee dont feel pain or hurt she spreads it....i dun even know why she has frens...i wouldnt want to be her fren..i'd have to alway de on her good side....well guess wat im not gonna follow rules cuz there are no rule stat could keep me from doing wat i want if it menas i have to kill everyone on earth before i get to you....
Damn pei yee YOU PISSED ME OFF MAJORLY TODAY
I NEVER WANNA SEE YOURDAMN FACE AGAIN
I NEVER WANNA HEAR YOUR DAMN VOICE
I NEVER WANNA HEAR YOUR FREAKING NAME
I NEVER WANNA HEAR ANYTHING TATS GOT TO DO WIT U
CUZ U KNOW WAT
I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE
FOR 14 YEARS I HAVE BEEN GOING BY THE BOOK FOLLOWING ORDERS
NEVER DOING WAT I WANT CUZ I NEVER SAY IT OUT
IM GONNA TEAR AND BURN THAT DAMN BOOK AND BREAK THOSE FREAKING ORDERS
I MAKE MY OWN RULES
TODAY....
ITS....
"NOBODY CARES BOUT HOW U FEEL SO WHY SHOULD U"
~~ PEACE OUT ~~
6:10 PM
Can I Turn Back Time?
ive got nothing to say these few days...jus sick of all the projects and stuff to do...plus the exams are coming up and i havent study....haih....ill make this short and simple....since i hav to go study....plus during de long term holidays i wont be around to do anything wit you guys so...sorry.....ive got plans to go to which i dont wan to fulfil...
4:12 PM
Can I Turn Back Time?
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
i wonder why i put up with all these things in my life tat are not worth it...
put this song jus for today...im fed up with writing all i need too and slamming de key board jus because im angry at my pathetic life...
"I'm having the day from hell,
It wasn't all going so well (before you came)
And you told me you needed space,
With a kiss on the side my face (not again)
And not to mention (the tears I shed)
But I should have kicked your (ass instead)
I need intervention
Attention to stop temptation to scream
Cause baby
Everything is F'ed up straight from the heart
Tell me what do you do,
when it all falls apart
Gotta pick myself up where do I start
Cuz I can't turn to you when it all falls apart
No
Don't know where I parked my car
Don't know who my real friends are (anymore)
I put my faith in you
What a stupid thing to do (when it rains it pours)
And not to mention (I drank too much)
I'm feeling hung over (and out of touch)
I need intervention
Attention to stop temptation to scream
Cause baby
Everything is F'ed up straight from the heart
Tell me what do you do, when it all falls apart
Gotta pick myself up where do I start
Cuz I can't turn to you when it all falls apart
No
Can it be easier?
Can I just change my life?
Cause it just seems to go bad everytime
Will I be mending?another one ending once again
Everything is F'ed up straight from the heart
Tell me what do you do, when it all falls apart
Gotta pick myself up where do I start
Cuz I can't turn to you when it all falls apart
No [x2]
Falls apart
Gotta pick myself up 'cause things are messed up
IM FED UP WITH MY LIFE
8:56 PM
Can I Turn Back Time?
Monday, September 25, 2006
i cant help it when i comes to frens i have too many to spend time with...
a) keishailla
b) andrianna
c) huei cwin
d) esther
e) mun mun
f) michelle
g) ying ying
h) wen gin <>
i) hui xin
j) josephine
k) ramya
l) shangeeth
m) ramana
n) wai yee
o) sarritha
p) farzana
q) amirah
r) fiona
s) swet yan
t) cecilia
u) hong hsuan
v) fiona
w) nabihah
x) sarveswari
y) shamini
z) ragini
lol...got so much more i cant name...its be wasting my time anyway...today was jus wrong...my fren ask me to chase my fren away from de table but she's my fren too....and i cant jus halau her away...huei cwin's sick today so she's kinda moody in a sense....i cant jus go and tell her " yo u cant sit here get out"....wats wrong today...i usually feel belong in one of the many cliques im in....today none wan really maming fit in...my exsistence seem to just fade away.....sometimes i wonder why i still put up wit all these things in my life....
6:50 PM
Can I Turn Back Time?
Sunday, September 24, 2006
in my heart i long and wish
no one would ever come to this
never would i have to cry
over some stupid silly thing
clouds roam my world
evil lives within it
never to smile again as long as i live
caos rule in this helpless land
evil lives inside and out side of it now and forever
over the time
far worst has happend
many souls have died
everything is gone
and only one little soul left
lost in the darkness
on a run away
never to return
ever again
haih...so sick of my life....i really wanna comit suicide....
3:21 PM
Can I Turn Back Time?
Saturday, September 23, 2006
besides de fact tat my mum's killing me so much...
she even wants to read my blog....
AS IF>>>>
she cant even operate de computer let alone connect de internet line....
summore wan to read my blog....
GO TO HELL!!!!!
i really wanna die today...
i feel like well me actually...
wit my sis getting me in trouble AGAIN....
she always uses her CRY BABY TACTIC.....
pathetic...
i feel like crying...
my mum took my freedom....
she took my dignity....
now she's gonna take away my all time joy of life??!!!!!
i wanna celebrate my birthday like i did last year...
i wan all my frewns to be wit me...
i wan all of us to jus spend time doing nothing.....
NOW!!!!!!!!!
I CANT!!!!!!!!!!!
she wont let me...
id ratehr not go to tat stupid holiday trip than not celebrate my birthday.....
I DONT CARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU PAY FOR IT!!!!
NO MATTER HOW MUCH TIME YOU SPEND TO GET IT DONE!!!
I WILL NOT GO!!!!!!!!!
i really dont wanna not celebrate my birthday....
i was counting de days til my birthday...
until today...
i really hate my mum.....
she seem so nice to me at de begining of de day. then she jus blabed it out!!!!
i dunno why i have her as her mum....
maybe....
she's my step mum...
my real mum die when i was born....
tats why she love my sis more cuz she was de wan ta concieved her...
either ta or she jus hates me!!!!!!!!!!!!!
damn she wus discussing my sis 's brithday party in front of me....
i feel like F!*King her!!!!!
i really felt like crying....
I WAN TO CELEBRATE MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!
7:45 PM
Can I Turn Back Time?
Friday, September 22, 2006
how is it tat everytime i wanna do sumthing there's sumone in my way. oh yea....i heard sumthign today i didnt wanna hear.....kinda dangerous to write it out ...but who cares!!!!!
wg says tat if i wus tb she would chase me...but as far as im concerned i didnt hear anything...wakakakaka.....
besides my "mum" dun let wat....
i lurve my hair so much!!!!
heheheheh
i wonder whether we would really be frens 4eva...
on my oppinoin...
i dont think so....
NO LA!!!!!
WE"LL BE BFFZ
i forgot wat i wanted to write...
MY MUM WONT STOP KILLING ME!!!!! im so damn freaking mad i could kill sumone!!! darn she jus blamed me for playing basket ball today again but i didnt....
besides i didnt get caught for skipping maths class yesterday so no big deal....i really dun wanna stay here....i cant sms ying ying ( 2f) cuz she has this hobby of showing ppl her inbox....HATE TAT THING!!!!! %%$$##^^&@*(!)
my life i terrible....
i hate it so much
im miserable!!!!!!!
8:31 PM
Can I Turn Back Time?
wat i wanted was love but all i got was hate....
wat i wanted was freedom but im still traped in this prison...
wat i wanted was to be me yet i bcum sumone else....
wat i wanted was to fit in but i keep standing out....
wat i wanted was to be accepted yet i've been rejected...
nobody has ever asked me wat i really wanted....
nobody has ever careed if i was in pain....
i wonder when was de last time we ever had a girl to girl talk....
i wonder when was de last time you actually came and find me in de morning just to smile at me....
i wonder when was it....
i wonder when was de last time you said im glad i have u....
now...
i dont even care....
im sick of standing out of de crowd...
for once i wanna fit in....
argh!!!
face it!!
i jus need basket ball
8:20 PM
Can I Turn Back Time?
maybe there's sumthign good into this whole going to school thing....and yet...maybe not...this is dumb...i dun wanna bo this cuz of tat...i dun wanna do tat cuz of this...life's so unfair!!! even the will to play basketball can get me my own basket ball and hoop...damn it!!!
i can get anythign my way for once...
anyone here pls pls pls...remind me to remind ben lee and wei jean tat miss boey told me to remind them tat they need to take de paperon her table and copy on de white board...
im jus doing this to remember..lol...
i have short term memory lost...
im kinda bored these past few days...
nothign to do...i was thinking bout de free lessons tat guys was having....im gonna do it even if my mum says no....damn her..i dont care...
5:33 PM
Can I Turn Back Time?
Thursday, September 21, 2006
im so glad besides the fact that i have so many projects to do and homework not done.
im good!! better !!! i had so much fun today although its wrong to ponteng class but...i did!!! i even brought my phone...wakakaka so fun... de best part was toking wit huei cwin and sarritha bout crap....then we played basket ball wit wai yee and 2 form one gurls whom i dont know...haha....
we had de offer of a life time!!!!
i MEAN IT!!!!!
SO LUCKY!!!!!!!
the man there offered us free basket ball classes!!!!
OMG!!!!
I WANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~end of happy section~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
my mum is jus a crappy fella....
all her rules tat I have to follow....
is bcuz she dun wanna feel guilty....
i say it BULL SHIT!!!!!!
she just hates it tat im so happy at school
she just hates it tat i love things she cant do....
she just hates it tat i can do things and think faster than she can...
besides....im de only one my sis can follow for fashion.....
i pity who ever follows my mum....
totally tacky....
im getting really mean....
lol.....
pity ppl who got stuck in manisyah's class could have had the change of a life time...
I DUN CARE!!!!
WAKAKAKAK!!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~end of pathetic part~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
lol.....my blog so many parts.....
im jus bored la....
this year im so good....
not...
din masuk buku kuning...din get offence..
din even get teacher angry...oh wait!!!
I DID MAKE MISS BOEY ANGRY
lol.....haih...nthg ade la....
~~ peace out ~~
5:00 PM
Can I Turn Back Time?
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
im prctically living the worst nightmare of my entire life. no one cares. my mum tortures me like nobody buisness. my school life? dont even get me started. first it was the whole i hate you you hate me thing. then i was kong love wai yee thing. then i was i dunno wat thing cuz they wont tell me. then i was the bowie house thing. after that is the pei yee screaming at me thing plus the HITTING!!! and then it was de hair cut thing. then it was de lesbian thing. then it was the wen gin is a bitch thing. then it was ying ying and wen gin thing. then it was no more wen gin and ying ying. then was my mum's an evil dictator thing. then it was playing swing is my hobby. then was my mum's killing me. then it was I HATE MY LIFE!!!!
GOD!!! TAT FELT GOOD!!!
today was nothing different from any other day...
you'll soon grow bored of my blog and so will i.....
jus went to de playground...
didi some crap. and well tats bout it...theres no spark being wit ppl you barely know...
i had fun today though....
ying ying and i played onde swing....childish i know...
but its fun...i kinda feel bad...huei ciwn feels left out...
i can see it...i would too if i was in her place..
its her last year here...maybe wanna do some surprise party for her
just to say good bye...she'll cherish it!! hehehe..
i feel kind of bad...sometimes...leaving my other frens for my other frens...
both gangs are my frens...
but they dont actually see eye to eye...
so i cant spilt myself into half you know....
so...srry you guys if i ever deserted you...
hahaha...im like writing a will or sumthing..
anyway im jus tryin to be happy so excuse de fake-ness...
~ peace out ~
4:43 PM
Can I Turn Back Time?
feeling misarable now...i cant stand it...why does she have to ruin everything for me...its really unfair...LIFE'S UNFAIR!!!!! ESPECIALLY MINE!!!!!!
why do you keep me in darkness and solitary confinement when i jus want a chance so show you what i can do. why do you define whatever i do as WRONG. id do anything for you to jus look at me. why wont you. im your daughter. or maybe you'd rather not have me as yours. all my life i never go things my way. i never got things i want. all i got was mocks from you and you alone. your mocking voice haunts me til today. do you need a miracle to look at me. i know im no angel nor miracle. im not invisible either. my whole life. you treated me like i never exsisted. id rather be anywher but here. though im invisible at school too, at least i have friends that thrust in what i can do and dont claim that whatever i do is WRONG. everywhere i go the loneliness seem to follow me. i cant do anythign about it. you crush everything ive ever dreamed of. but my faith is still with me till today when u took it. im sick of takingleaps of faith thinking you'd come and pick me up when i fall with a smile. you just come to me with the loudest and most hurtful mocking voice. is doing things i love WRONG. why do you let a bunch of idiotic guys stand in the way of your daughter's happiness. all i want is to play basket ball. and just because some guys go there too, i cant go. who wrote that rule must think im real stupid. is it because im a girl. maybe i dont want to be a girl anymore if i had to suffer every minute and second of everyday of my life til i lie dead under the earth. if this is what being a girl is like, i dont want to be a girl anymore. i'd rather be invisible. unseen by mocking voices around me that haunt me. uncried tears over flow. i kept so many tears. i just need a friend's shoulder to cry on. oh yea. none of my friends know exactly and perfectly whats going at home when i get into the golden avanza. cause i never told anyone. though i played basket ball today. i dont feel the same happiness i usually get out of basket ball.somehow. something was missing. maybe someone. i dont know. i feel weird today tahts all. if you dont see me tomorrow you'll know that im already dead. i never wanted to live. i really need to find a best friend that last for a life time. most of my friends just make me feel more out of the crowd. i want to fit in.....
all i wanted wan to be loved. why is it so hard for you to see that. i cant talk back and i know tat. wat if i had to tell you sumthing important.all these 14 years. i think de only time u ever said i love u was when i made you really proud and tat was history now. i dont i ever hear u say it to me anymore. im trying to say something but u keep closing the door at me. you used to care so much.why do you keep me away. why do you abandon me.why do you hide me from the world. is it because im a big disgrace to you. that i cant do anything right. that all you need now is my lil sis . a good two shoe. you dont need a worthless failure like me. why am i looking down on myself? isnt that what you hv though me all my life? you keep looking at all the bad things you dont even notice anything good in me anymore. so tell me now. is it worth being good when you cant see it in me?im faithless and hopeless. so why did you give birth to me in the first place? i had to sneak to do things i lurve cause its againts your rules.i followed them for 13 years. wat else do you want from me? i did all the things you want me to do. i didnt even get a single offence. i could get top 5 in my class if i tried. but i gave up on that long ago. when you started to leave me in the darkness. i wonder how low do i have to get to make you care. the thing is you dont even thrust your own daughter. you'd rather thrust someone else. i thought it was your job to protect me. now i know that im in a battle against the world tat shudders me to the darkness day by day. soon ill die to exsist. all the crap people tell me is nothing to me. cause i cant thrust anyone besides me.
Bitches in school...BEWARE 